Losing that delicious feeling of being in love can be a common hazard in long relationships. In becoming family with each other, you fall into routines, old arguments, and endless distractions, like the kids and their ongoing needs and the long hours at work. All too often, it begins to feel that somewhere in all this daily living, the love you once knew has faded.
But there are many marriages within a marriage, times when you reinvent yourselves as individuals and as a couple, times when growth can mean loss — or a delightful rediscovery of each other.
What can you do when you’re not quite feeling the love, but longing to revive a relationship grown tired?
1. Work on Improving Your Mood
Sure, easier said than done, but monitoring and improving your mood can create happiness in your spouse. One study of 5,000 people over 20 years found that happiness is contagious. On the flip side, sadness isn’t as contagious. Therefore, having a happy partner improves your likelihood of being happy by 15% while having an unhappy one lowers your chances by just 7%. In other words, you can add zest to your relationship simply by spreading joy.
2. Take a Walk Down Memory Lane
Whether you dust off your wedding photo album, take a look at old Facebook memories, or pull up photos and videos from past vacations, taking a walk down memory lane can help you remember the good times you’ve had with each other. At the end of the day, it’s about remembering why you connected with your partner in the first place. Memories will help with that. And for added incentive as to why you should take a walk down memory lane, consider this: A University of Southampton study shows that happy memories can lead to increased happiness and higher self-esteem.
3. Get Physical
While it wouldn’t hurt to try and spice up your intimate life, just reincorporating everyday physical touch can be very helpful. This could be anything from holding hands to a pat on the back. Physical touch is an important human need. Showing your partner you love them and want to touch them can be very powerful.
4. Let Go of Resentments
Everyone in this world has some negative character traits that they need to work on. As a partner, you have a responsibility to let them know what these are while offering advice on how to better themselves in these areas. However, going too far with this and having a chip on your shoulder about everything that happened in the past can rob you of the core love you have for your partner.
All of those bitter feelings will add up over time and cause you to keep them at arm’s length, especially if these feelings aren’t properly addressed. Take a hard look at what is holding you back, let go of resentment, and strive for a more lighthearted approach to their flawed qualities.
5. Be Kind
Simple enough, right? Sometimes in marriage, we forget to be kind. Our negative feelings caused by whatever else is going on in our lives can throw a wrench in our ability to be kind. Research shows that simply being kind and loving to your spouse will help you feel more in love with them.
